Here is an interesting, funny and insightful new blog by My long-suffering maid Dani.  

She is certainly in trouble for this one… There’s some truth for you.

We are told that we live in a “post truth era”, or at least that’s what keep hearing boring people saying on the news Mistress is watching on TV while i am massaging Her feet. i really have no idea what “post truth” means…it sounds like you only get the facts in a letter or something. But i’m a bit dim that’s why i’m the maid and Mistress Scarlett Thorne is the…well Mistress.

But the phrase did get my two brain cells rubbing together and wondering “what is truth”? Then Mistress, in Her infinite wisdom, provided me with an answer.

So kindly Mistress allowed me to eat some spaghetti prepared by a friend so i wouldn’t pass out while doing my chores. Apparently small infusions of food improves efficiency.

“An unconscious or dead maid is no use to Me!” Mistress often notes.

Anyway, Mistress is very particular about Her maid and TV gurls in general eating in a ladylike manner. If i rush my food, or make even a small mess, or allow my fork to bang against my teeth, or hold the implements incorrectly, or have large bites not delicate nibbles, She is furious. It usually ends up with me being forced on to all fours and being made to make little piggy noises before being banished from Her presence.

So i started tackling my spaghetti in the tradition manner with a fork, rolling it up and trying to eat it as delicately as possible…Mistress was outraged. i thought She might kill me.

“You don’t eat spaghetti like that! She shouted. “You eat it like the Italians….with a knife and fork!”

Now here – referring to my previous piece on a maid’s spoken language – an interesting choice emerges. The maid (me, myself) could point out on many trips to Italy and knowing many Italians she had yet to see one eat spaghetti with a knife and fork and in fact what Mistress had said was untrue…The maid could say that if she wanted to be beaten to a pulp, sacked and physically cast from the TrannyFlat with Mistress screams of fury ringing in her ears.

In fact what i correctly said was: “Yes Mistress, sorry Mistress”.

And here is the truth about truth. As Churchill once said: “History is written by the victors”. In fact this can be extended to those who hold and wield power. Mistress is one of life’s ultimate victors or winners, while Her maid is a submissive total loser (except for winning the lottery of life by being allowed to serve Mistress).

As regular readers of my blogs will know, those of us who have the joy and privilege of serving Mistress Scarlett Thorne exist in Scarlett Time.  Time is subject to Mistress’ whims.  If it is 4pm in the normal world but She said it is noon then it is noon.  If it is mid August to ordinary people but She declares it is Christmas Day (every day is Christmas serving Mistress btw) then it is Christmas Day. New year for Mistress’ slaves begins when She declares it, not on 1st January.

So as with time, all other facets of truth and facts are what Mistress declares them to be. If She points to what some may see as a white dress and says it is black then it is black and the same dress will be red when She decides she is bored with black.

This means if Mistress says spaghetti is eaten with a knife and fork and that’s how the Italians do it then this is an indisputable truth that should not be questioned. If the next day She says Italians eat it with their hands then that is the truth.

If your head if hurting don’t worry, it is simple. We do not live in a post truth world, the truth is certain. For a slave all you need to know is that the truth is what Mistress declares it to be at any given moment, your response should always be a demure: “Yes Mistress”