A totally FABULOUS and worringly insightful blog My My maid Dani…

There are many important skills you need to learn if you want to serve a fabulous Mistress like Scarlett Thorne…scrubbing, sucking, spreading your legs, dusting, hoovering, massaging Mistress, w**king (not your own!), generally pleasing c*cks for money, polishing, snuffling farts, Christmas decorating, washing up, generally whatever Mistress wants at any given time…

But one thing a maid does not need is a wide spoken vocabulary. In fact silence, unless required to speak is a very important attribute required in a slave. After all Mistress does not want Her ears battered by silly sissy chit chat.

You may now wonder why i am rattling on in this blog when it might be more appropriate to shut up…well only speaking a few words does not mean you should not write or understand far more. After all Mistress may require you to take dictations for Her, write blogs for Her website and so forth.

Also your comprehension skills need to be excellent to take down lengthy instructions with lots of facets given at speed by Mistress. After all She requires everything to be done that She has instructed and does not expect to have to waste precious seconds repeating Herself to some dollard maid. So for example…

Mistress (at speed): Right maid! I require you to scrub all the floors, and scrub the rugs…they’re disgusting! I mean scrub on your hands and knees don’t use a hoover! I want the fridge cleaned, all the mirrors cleaned. you need to write me two blogs. Also I want you to organise fixing the latex. Why isn’t the bathroom cleaned yet? I want you to put the bins out now! Make my bed immediately, do the washing up, why is the washing basket full? Get the washing on now! I need you to read some books for me., And I need My feet to be massaged! What are you waiting for? Get on with it slut! Now! Today! I want you to mop the floors as well AND dust the shelves. Don’t leave anything out! Do it! Stupid slut! I really don’t know why I employ such a stupid girl! And fix your hair! NOW!

But it is best to keep your pretty little trap shut apart from some important phrases, so to help here is a lexicon of the only words you will be required to speak 99.9% of the time, think of it as maid language:

1. Yes Mistress! this is what you will say most of the time.

The answer comes after every instruction whatever the instruction to indicate you have heard and will promptly do it. No further questions or comments should be required, anything further is chat back and will be severely punished.

Mistress: Slut! Fetch Me another cup of coffee now!

maid: Yes Mistress!

It should also be an answer to the vast majority of Mistress’ questions.

Mistress: You’re a bad maid! Do you need a severe beating?

maid: Yes Mistress!

2. Sorry Mistress Obviously this needs saying every time you have failed your Mistress in some way or if She decides you have failed her whether you realise it. Never question Her judgement or offer an excuse.

Mistress (staring hard at a speck of dust on an otherwise gleaming floor): This is a total disaster! Why are all the floors so dirty! You haven’t been scrubbing hard enough! Bad BAD maid!

maid: Sorry Mistress

3. Thank You Mistress! – Said after Mistress has punished you or done something nice to you or praised you.

Mistress: you have worked hard today my little maid.

Maid (overjoyed): Thank You Mistress!

Mistress (finishes beating you): I hope you have learnt your lesson!

Maid (through tears): Yes Mistress. Thank You Mistress.

Mistress: You look very pretty today my little maid!

maid (surprised): Thank You Mistress!

4. Please Mistress – If Mistress asks you if you want something, you should always accept to not insult Her and be very grateful that She has thought about your needs.

Mistress: I need to fart! Would you like to breath in My fart?

maid (enthusiastically): Please Mistress!

5. Good morning/ hello/ good afternoon Mistress! – When you first see Mistress in the day it is appropriate to greet Her with joy in your voice.

maid walks through front door to start chores after travelling for an hour and a half across London to serve Mistress. Maid sees Mistress Scarlett Thorne as she enters the Tranny Flat.

maid (with joy in voice): Good morning Mistress!

Mistress looks crossly at maid

Mistress (VERY angrily): What time do you call this? Why are you late? Why haven’t you got me a coffee yet? What are you dressed in? Get out of those boy clothes and wear something appropriate! Get Me My coffee now! Why haven’t you cleaned that bathroom yet!? You’re a very bad maid! you deserve to be beaten til you can’t walk!!! Don’t you dare look at Me until I have done My make up!!! Do you want the sack?”

maid (scurrying to do chores): sorry Mistress. Yes Mistress

6. Goodbye Mistress! When you finish your duties at the end of the day and are leaving it is appropriate and polite to acknowledge your Mistress when you depart. Remember you only leave at a time She has already agreed. Do not always expect a reply.

maid (exhausted from hours of chores): Goodbye Mistress!

Mistress: Goodbye my little maid! Text me later


Mistress continues watching the TV and ignores the maid.

7. No Mistress! This is very risky and probably the words you will use least but a good maid will understand when to say it. A Mistress does not want a robot maid, She requires one that is attentive to Her and listening carefully, not just robotically answering without thinking or listening. So it is likely Mistress will throw in a tester question to elicit this answer to prove the maid is being attentive.

Mistress (struggling to put on Her favourite latex dress and staring crossly at an empty box of After 8s): Do you think I am fat?

maid (shocked): No Mistress!

Mistress: Are you too busy to go to the shops to pick up some latex gloves for me?

maid (aware she was supposed to be at her vanilla job half an hour ago): No Mistress!

And to help here are examples of WRONG  uses (with dire consequences) of Yes Mistress and No Mistress:

Mistress (squeezing into a corset): Do you think I look fat?

maid: Yes Mistress!

Mistress returns from a shopping trip or fabulous outing and has left you to do a list of chores.

Mistress: Have you completed your chores?

maid: No Mistress

Mistress (putting on a new hideous item of clothing from an admirer): Do You think I look good in this?

maid: No Mistress

NB Mistress ALWAYS looks fabulous even if the item of clothing is appalling.

Mistress: Are you leaving early?

maid: Yes Mistress

You only leave when Mistress says you can


Mistress (looking at badly wrapped parcel handed over by shaking maid): Have you bought me the gift I requested?

maid: No Mistress

So that is it. As a maid, slave you need be able to say no more words than that. In fact if you want to serve a Superior Being like Scarlett Thorne you shouldn’t even attempt to say other words unless Mistress decides She wants a conversation with you (a rare treat indeed).

One final tip is that it is easier to remember this simple lexicon if you keep your eyes glues to the floor in dutiful submission.